


Reading Palahniuk in a coffee shop

by immortalbears



Series: Reading Palahniuk in a coffee shop [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Fight Club Fusion, Anxiety, Insomnia, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-12 11:46:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7933417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immortalbears/pseuds/immortalbears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wash is a veteran with PTSD. He lands a job at his aunt's coffee shop, oddly named Fight Club. </p><p>His co-worker, Felix, turns out to be the Tyler Durden of said coffee shop. At least, that's what <i>he</i> claims to be. Wash simply thinks that it's, well, ridiculous.</p><p>As Wash's stint at the coffee shop goes on, a customer named Locus catches his (and Felix's) attention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

“Say what you will, buddy, but here at Fight Club, we've got the best playlist ever.”

“Right.” Wash replied, trying to keep his facial expression slightly more positive and less stiff. He didn't mind the music his co-worker had chosen. It wasn't grating, so it suited him just fine.

“Christ! It's like I'm talking to a robot or something.” Felix threw his hands up in the air in frustration, so whatever Wash was trying to do with his face wasn't having any of its intended effect. “Look, Mr. Corporal, I know you just came back from the war and got sand jammed up your ass, but you need to smile. A face like that isn't going to get customers to come in the second time!”

Wash pulled the corner of his lips up with both fingers, and held his facial muscles in place.

“You know what, forget I said anything. How'd you get this job anyway?”

“...Therapist says I could do with some distractions.” Wash replied, still holding the corner of his lips up. He looked into shiny part of the coffee-machine, and almost jumped at the sight. _Who let that sleep-deprived grimace onto this face?_ He quickly smoothed it back down and schooled himself into a neutral expression again. “Aunt Ginnie wants someone to help her look after this coffee shop now that she's got another new shop, so I'm here. Plus, I heard that change could have been... pocketed.”

A smile slid onto Felix's face and he raised both hands, tone friendly. Wash had to admit that Felix was _smooth_. “Hey now, it's just some loose change here and there. 'Sides, you've got to admit, a handsome, friendly barista like me brings in the customers, hm?”

Wash looked pointedly at the empty coffee-shop, and made a mental note to never trust his new co-worker whenever he heard that cajoling tone.

“Yeah, well, it's early morning on a weekday. _Chill_.”

“Didn't mean to upset you.” He said, tone still flat.

“Ugh.” Felix sat down by the closest table, and began to fidget with his phone.

Wash crossed his arms. “Don't those cups need to be washed?”

“Relax, newbie. We've got more than enough cups.”

“We've just opened up for the day. Isn't it from yesterday?”

“ _Yeah_ , it's just soaking so that it'll be easier to wash later. Why don't _you_ wash it if it upsets you so much?” Felix wasn't going to budge, and Wash wasn't going to wash the cups in case it became a habit, so Wash dropped the issue for now.

Wash's eyes wandered for a moment, and narrowed as soon as they caught sight of a drawer under the register. Instinct began to kick in as he surveyed the area, and found at least three potential threats. “Felix. Do you have the keys to these drawers?”

“What drawers?”

“These.”

“No. They've always been like this. There's probably nothing in there anyway, so who cares?”

“Mhm.” Wash stroked his chin lightly _. This is going to bug me all day, I can tell._

Wash had gone over to the coffee-maker and started to fiddle at it. Aunt Ginnie had told him to ask Felix about making coffee if he wanted to.

“Felix. Could you teach me to make coffee?”

“So! You're still the newbie around here, huh?” Felix turned around, eyes wide, a grin widening on his face.

 _I needed his help. He saw the opportunity,_ Wash thought. _He's taking it._ “I could also just stand here and watch you work, if you like.”

“Really? I mean, is that how it is? You come in on the first day of work, tell me to teach you something because your aunt owns the coffee shop, and honest-to-goodness the next day poor little Felix will be out of this place, since you're running the place all by yourself. I know your type.” Felix scoffed.

“What?” Wash's voice cracked a little. He stood there, flabberghasted, looking at the back of Felix's head. The other man sounded genuine enough. “That's what you think I'm here for?”

“Yes.” Felix replied, standing up and pushing the chair backwards. “You know, I've got a family to feed back home. I'm not letting you bully me out of here. Seven dollars per hour is still seven dollars per hour.”

Wash looked quietly at the door, and watched as somebody else came in. It was a tall, large man – Wash wondered what he was working as.

“Good morning.” The man said, looking at Wash, and then at Felix.

“Locus!” Felix stood up quickly, a bright smile on his face. “Here for breakfast?”

“Yes.” “Locus” replied, relaxing visibly when he was greeted by Felix. He stiffened up again as he glanced up at Wash from the corner of his eyes.

“Uh. Hi.” Wash said, trying to smile.

Locus nodded at him, frowning.

The other man inhaled deeply and shuffled off to the side as Felix glided in behind the counter, smiling and making eyes at the larger man.

“A latte machiatto, as always?”

“Yes, please.” Locus nodded. “And a bagel with cream cheese.”

“Roger that. Could you maybe get him a bagel with cream cheese, Washy?”

Wash's brows knitted together as he found a fork and scooped the bagel in the display onto a plate.

“No, not there.” Felix rolled his eyes. “I'll get it for you, Locs. Sorry about that, he's new here.”

Felix grabbed a tong, opened a cupboard, and got the bagel onto the plate. “Now, Washy, you've just got to heat it up.” He said, with a feigned patient voice, sounding almost sugary. “Locs? You'd like it heated up, right?”

Locus nodded. There was warmth in his eyes when he looked at Felix, but not so much when he watched Wash.

Wash wasn't sure how he felt about it, being scrutinized like that. “Okay. How long does it need to be heated up for?”

“Here, let me do it for you.” Felix quickly pressed a button – too quickly for Wash's liking – and shuffled back out. “Here's your bagel, Locs.”

“Cream cheese, please.” Locus said, after a while. He pursed his lips and looked at Wash again.

“Oh, I'm sorry, I almost forgot about it.” Felix went to the fridge and got one small package out. He slid it onto the plate, got a knife and fork, served Locus his Latte, and winked as Locus paid. Wash watched as Locus took his tray and went to the quietest, darkest place in the cafe to sit, and looked at Felix again.

“You need to tell me how to do things around the cafe.” Wash said.Felix looked at him like he'd grown six heads, and shrugged. “I'm not your slave, buddy.”

“What do you want?” Wash asked, after a moment. He stared at Felix as the other man wiped the nozzle of the coffee machine clean.

“Depends.” Felix turned to face him. “You're not here to take my job?”

“No. I can help out when it's too busy. Or, I'll just get paid to do nothing.”

Felix let out a snort-laugh. “Isn't that the dream? Getting paid to do nothing, like the big shot you are.”

“...It never gets busy around here, does it?”

“Oh, it does.” Felix shrugged. “Look, pal, I'm still here before you were. You've got to show some respect, at least. I don't care who you were or what you were doing in Sand Land, but over here, it's my territory now. I know the workings of this place like the back of my hand, and basically, what I'm saying is – your _Aunt Ginnie_ needs me. _You_ need me. Do you understand what I'm talking about?”

Wash watched Felix's face, and his grandiose hand gestures, feeling entirely disconnected and unimpressed. _I am Jack's complete lack of emotional response._ “You mean to say that you are indispensable.”

“Yes! Exactly! I know the customers here! Just look at Locus.” Felix turned to wave as he saw the other man look up at him and their gazes met. He had the brightest, most charming smile as he did so, and Locus, who seemed like the reserved type, even had a slight smile on his face as he made the most awkward fingers-wriggling in return.

“You didn't charge him for the cream cheese.” Wash said, after a while. “The price says...”

“I don't. Know why? Because, if you count every single cent, you're just not going to give them a reason to come here. Look at this guy. He's here because it's quiet. Because it's not that expensive, not some overpriced piece of hipster shit, and most importantly, not fucking Starbucks. Guys like that, they're _lonely_. See the scar on his face?”

Wash tried not to stare. He wasn't sure why he'd completely missed the gigantic X-shaped scar in the middle of the man's face – the idea of him being large and an immediate potential threat in the vicinity was enough. “Wonder where he got that. Scars like that, they're not accidental.”

“ _Who knows?_ Look, Wash. The point is, he doesn't fit in anywhere else. He doesn't want to fit in, and has given up all hopes of ever fitting in. Fight Club's a place where people like that feel safe coming in.” Felix rolled up his sleeves, revealing the tattooes underneath. He grinned brightly at Wash. “And that's why I'm here. _I'm_ the Tyler Durden of this place. They're here because Tyler's here.”

Wash looked at Felix, and decided that holding his tongue at that moment was the best choice.

“So you see, I'm fucking amazing, and _I'm fucking important_.”

“Right.” Wash could already picture himself knocking out all of Felix's teeth in a fistfight, if it ever came down to that. He didn't want to think about it, but they've both watched Fight Club, and they both knew what Tyler Durden was like.

_I am Jack's absolute mistrust of all the Tyler Durden wannabes in the world._

He didn't want to let Felix know what he was thinking, so he simply said, “I guess you don't want me to help with anything here, then?”

Felix licked his lips, and pulled out a makeup set from the backroom. He came back out, looked at Wash, and said, “They don't teach you to look presentable over there, do they?”

“What? I combed my hair.” Wash squeaked a bit, as Felix waved the makeup in front of him.

“Your eyebags. They are fucking terrible. And your skin looks like it hasn't been washed.”

“I washed my face this morning.”

Felix leaned in and sniffed. Wash consciously resisted the urge to hip-throw him, but didn't want to step back, either, so he folded his arms and waited anxiously. “At least your breath doesn't stink, I'll give you that.”

“I adhere to a rigid code for personal hygiene. Every. Single. Morning.” Wash protested.

“Whatever you say, pal. Go to the back and put on some foundation, cover up those eyebags, and we'll talk.”

Wash looked at Felix dead in the eye, took the makeup without a word, and did exactly as he was told. He had no idea what he was doing, but as he came back out of the backroom, he saw Felix's eyes widen.

“Whoa, you look like you're from the land of the living again!”

“There.” Wash said, giving Felix his makeup back. He saw Locus turn again, and smiled at him. The other man's eyes visibly lit up now.

Wash wasn't sure how he felt about that, but he knew on some level that Felix was right. “Fine. I see your point.”  
  
“Good!” Felix grinned. He said, aloud, as Locus stood up. “Leaving for work?”

“Yeah,” Locus replied.

“Have a nice day!” Felix leaned onto the counter and placed his chin on his hands.

“You too.”

“Uh. Bye!” Wash blurted out.

Locus looked at him in surprise, and said, quietly, almost gently, “Bye.”

Wash let out a sigh of relief as he saw the large man leave. He knew, reasonably, that Locus probably wasn't going to get up and start shooting at either of them, but being unarmed with so many openings was still making him anxious, nonetheless.

“Hey, newbie. Go get the plates and seriously, wash them.” Felix said, after a while. “ _Shit_ , man. I think he might even find you hot.”

“What?” Wash was Jack's complete lack of credulity.

“I know that gay look when I see one. He's totally checking you out.” Felix shrugged. “Whatever, you're not as handsome as I am.”

Wash came back with the tray, and looked at Felix again. “Felix. If I do the dishes, will you teach me how to use the coffee-machine?”

“Sure.” Felix yawned, and went to sit down at the table with his phone again.

Wash was, well, washing the dishes when a few customers came in, and Felix served them all with the same amount of attention and the same kind of smoothness that Wash was really starting to think that what Felix was saying might have some truth to it. Life for some people – civilians – was really different from what life he was used to, and Wash really had to admit that he wasn't exactly well-suited for the life of a civilian. He had lost the ability to smile without meaning it, and, these days, he often didn't feel anything pleasant at all.

He jumped back, like a cat, when water splashed onto his pants.

“Whoa, there.” Felix grinned. “You're spacing out, seriously?”

Wash turned red. “What? No.”

“It's alright, you didn't have much sleep, did you?” Felix shrugged. “You should go to the back room and rest.”

Everything felt like it was happening in a distance, and the wetness on his pants didn't even feel real. Wash shrugged slightly. “I can't sleep any time I want to. Just tell me what to do next.”

“Seriously, at least dry that shit out. It looks like you peed all over your leg pants.”

“Okay.” Wash looked down, and went to the bathroom.

*

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

“So, you're what, staying overtime?” Felix said, frowning. “Shift's over, dude. What's it in for you?”

Wash shrugged. “It's not like I have any plans, so I might as well stay here a bit more.”

“You're staying here because you are fucking bored? _Wow_. Here's an idea. How about going to get yourself some makeup?”

Wash looked at Felix in puzzlement. “I won't know what to buy.”

“Pfft.” Felix rolled his eyes. “I'd say I'd get some for you, but you'd accuse me of trying to charge you extra.”

“Not if you've got receipts.” Wash replied, without thinking too hard.

“What am I, your errand boy?”

“I... No. That probably sounded wrong, didn't it?” Wash said. He looked uncomfortably at Felix. “No. You don't have to get me anything. And I'm not here to sabotage you – I just need to get more comfortable with the surroundings here. It's hard for me to be in places I'm not familiar with.”

“What, why? You fought in a cafe?”

Wash looked at Felix and wondered if it would be easier if he said yes. “Not exactly.”

They stared at each other for a while, and Felix shrugged. “Alright, stay if it'll suit you. You've got the keys, you could close and open if you want to. Your choice to waste your own time...”

“See you tomorrow, Felix. I promise you, I've got nothing against you and I don't mean any harm.”

“Whatever you say, Washy.” Felix waved dismissively and went out.

Wash waited a bit, standing behind the counter and walking around, before finally reaching for the hairpin that he'd kept in his wallet. He twisted it and began to work on the locked drawers.

“Good evening.”

Wash almost jumped out of his skin and got ready to point a gun when he realised that not only did he not have a gun, he also was looking up into Locus' face.

“I apologize for startling you. Are you still open?” Locus asked.

“Yeah, sure.” Wash said, upon remembering that he'd forgotten to turn the sign. “Would you like anything?”

“A latte machiatto, please.”

“Large or medium?” Wash asked, trying to hide his nervousness, to calm down and relax. He could see that the other man, too, wasn't exactly comfortable, although he had a curious look in his eyes.

“Medium.”

“Okay.” Wash said, and started to make the coffee. He did it as he watched Felix do it, frothing the tip of the milk after heating it, and put the cup on the counter. As Locus reached into his pocket to pay, Wash added quickly, “Thisisfreeforyou.”

Locus almost looked uncomfortable with that.

“I mean,” Wash said, trying to get it out before Locus went away and decided to never come back. “Technically, it's past opening hours, and I'm just staying back so that I could get used to this place. If you're fine with that, this coffee, I mean, I'd like you to tell me how it tastes.”

“That is understandable.” Locus nodded. He stood there, shifting his weight on one foot.

Wash smiled and held out the coffee, looking in Locus' face as he did so. Their hands brushed by each others' – Locus' hands, like the rest of his body, were so incredibly large compared to Wash's.

As their eyes met, Wash felt as if he was being seen for the first time. Not by somebody who wanted something from him, or by somebody who saw whatever the hell it was that they wanted to see.

 _I am Jack's sense of complete and utter delusion from a lack of sleep,_ Wash thought.

Locus took a sip from the cup, and looked at Wash. “It's good.”

“It tastes fine? As in, it's not terrible?” He wondered what Felix would have said, but Felix hadn't let him touch the coffee machine that much.

“No. It is not terrible. I mean to say that it is... _good_.”

Wash beamed and relaxed. “Thank you for the feedback, Locus. See you tomorrow.”

They smiled at each other, and Locus went back out, looking cozy with a cup of coffee in hand. Wash watched him go, closed the shop, and went back to fiddling with the locks on the drawers. He found a few couple of lockboxes inside, and when he shook them, he could tell that there was some sort of electronics inside.

_I really shouldn't open these. Aunt Ginnie's doing me a favour as it is._

He frowned, listening for ticks and the like. There was no sound coming from within the boxes, so he put them back in.

_Hmm, is it just me, or is this drawer far too shallow?_

He thumbed it a bit. It felt like the rest of the drawer; cheap wood.

_...Probably just me, then._

He put everything back in their original positions, and locked the drawers back up.

*

“You didn't wipe the machine down after using it last night? Typical.” Felix complained, as he pointed at the machine and waited for Wash.

Wash stood there, eyes blank, ears barely taking in what was being said. He usually managed to sneak in a couple of hours' sleep in the early mornings and the afternoons, but his neighbors had the propensity to be immensely loud about nothing in particular at weird hours of the day. He was suspecting, on some level, that they were doing it just to spite him, because invariably they would only be loud when he could sleep.

The thing about Wash's particular lack of sleep was that he couldn't choose when or where to fall asleep. If he was lucky, he would be able to fall asleep at three in the afternoon and wake up at six in the evening, but then he'd have to pay for it by being awake the entire night. Even if he didn't sleep in the afternoon, he would still end up being awake the whole night.

It was, of course, in hindsight, a bad idea to take up a day job. But, Wash figured, that since his neighbors were doing a great job of keeping him awake, he might as well keep himself awake. It would make him less miserable in the long run.

“Hey!” Felix shouted, into his ear. 

Wash looked at him after half a second. _I am Jack's lack of will to live._ “What do you want, Felix?”

“Clean the machine.”

“Okay.” Wash said. He felt like he could ask why, but it would have been more trouble than he cared to deal with. He took the cloth and began wiping the nozzle first, followed by the rest of the machine, until the metal bits were sparkling clean. “Felix.”

“Hm?” Felix looked up from his phone.

“I didn't have time to swing by the store yesterday. May I borrow your makeup again?”

“Yeah, sure.” Felix smirked. “You owe me, though.”

“Whatever you want.” Wash replied. Had he any presence of mind, he would have found it a little more amusing that he had literally no idea what Felix wanted, and for all he knew, the other guy could just ask him to suck his dick or haze him like they did in the army. The killer was that he really didn't even care.

Felix wiggled his eyebrows as he handed him the tube. “Here you go, babe.”

Wash took it. “Thanks.”

It didn't occur to him that Felix had just hit on him until he was in the backroom and his eyebags looked covered up. He'd made sure to apply some of that stuff to other parts of his face as well.

He took the opportunity to cover up his freckles as well, and blended it all the way through, tilting his head this way and that.

 _Close enough,_ he decided. _I wonder if Locus will come in today._

He came out of the backroom to see the tall, large man standing at the counter, looking at him in surprise.

It took him a moment before he could shift his facial features into something resembling a smile, but by then, Locus had already looked away, large gray eyes looking mildly dejected.

 _I should talk to him. Say hi. Felix pointed out his scars yesterday. He's probably gone through some bad things. I won't be surprised if a guy like him has the same issues that I have –_ A pang seized his heart, and he wondered why he was thinking this way.

Felix, on the other hand, was making eyes at Locus again. Locus, too, seemed to enjoy the attention, and Wash wasn't sure if he should say something, considering how his first appearance in the morning seemed to ruin everybody's mood.

Felix had his sleeves up today, he noticed, as he stared at those arms for a tad too long. Felix definitely didn't lift, not like Locus did. Wash, personally, didn't lift, either. He did pushups and a bit of this and that, mostly out of paranoia. Somebody could so easily brain him while he was lying down with a barbell on top of him.

_I am Jack's – Why am I even doing this?_

“Good morning.” Wash said, too little too late, as Locus took his tray and got ready to leave the counter.

Locus looked at him, startled, and nodded with a quiet smile before he went, a barely audible “Morning.”

Felix turned, rested one elbow on the counter, and drummed his fingers on it. He had a smile on his face that said, _“I am definitely going to murder you if you steal my guy.”_

“Relax. I'm not interested in him. Not that way.” Wash said, quietly, as he handed Felix the makeup back. “So, what do I owe you now?”

“Dunno. I haven't decided. You know, I've left it so vague that I could even tell you to suck me off, and I'd be in the right. Not that I would, of course, because I'm not into that –“

“You're not into guys?” Wash was confused for a moment, and then realised that he'd just asked an incredibly stupid question. “Oh. Not into me. Sorry.”

Felix's smile was a little more serene now. Wash wished that he could understand what he meant with that expression. “Washy. Have you... ever looked into the mirror recently?”

“I just did. Literally.” Wash replied.

“Good god.” Felix laughed, shaking his head. “I could make you go out with me and get yourself some cosmetics. I could even ask you to get on your knees and call me daddy, and I'd still technically be in the right, because you _owe_ me now, buddy.”

Wash shrugged. Of course he had his limits and if Felix had asked him to do that, he would probably say no, but it still depended on what Felix wanted. “So. What do you want?”

“Nothing. I just want you to know that you owe me.” Felix smirked.

Wash blinked at Felix. A part of him wondered if his mind would be less blank if he'd gotten enough sleep. A large part of himself was too tired to care. A tiny part, the small part that still felt a little something, was amazed at how shiny Felix's eyes were when he said ridiculous things like that. “So. I owe you now.”

The other man winked. “Anyway, your blending's a bit off here.” He pointed at the side of his cheekbone.

Wash touched his cheekbone self-consciously, remembering that he'd just used it to cover up his freckles there. He rubbed at it a bit more, hoping that it'd smooth out.

“Why would Aunt Ginnie name this place Fight Club?” Wash wondered.

Felix raised his eyebrows and looked at him.

“It's an old movie. I've seen it a grand total of once, and I've only read a couple of other books by Palahniuk. I barely remember anything about them, except that it was really fun to read. Also, Aunt Ginnie really doesn't seem like the sort of person who enjoys Fight Club.” Wash said.

“You named it.” Felix said, after a while.

“I did?”

Felix shrugged. “Hey, man. It's not like I'm here to help you with your memory issues. I'm just here to make a living.”

“Okay.” Wash replied, a little uneasily now. “...We haven't met before, have we?”

Felix looked down at his phone, and then looked up with a big grin, as if he'd just thought of something. “You know, if you're hitting on me, you'd have to buy me a real drink, first.”

Wash thought about it for a moment. “Sure. But you're coming with me to buy makeup.”

*

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Asian!Felix and Asian!Wash in this chapter, some bitching about racism (and bonding over it). I've tried to keep their facecanons vague so that people can imagine what they want, but ... It wrote itself, who am I to argue with it. xD I like Synne's FCs ;)
> 
> Characters mention having sex in this chapter. [The night before is posted separately, due to its explicit content.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8011612)
> 
> C&C appreciated as usual!

 The room spun when Wash opened his eyes, and he rubbed his temples as he tried to remember what happened. The headache was terrible, but it wasn't quite so bad because he'd finally gotten a few hours' worth of rest.

More importantly, being on a single bed with his ass pressed up against another's ass was making him feel incredibly awkward.

Also, murderous.

Not in the angry way. The scared way.

He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Who could possibly be in his bed? It didn't even have room for two.

The sudden mental image of being stared at by a corpse didn't help; he sincerely thought, even if it was just an extremely disturbing moment, that when he turned around, so too, would the corpse behind him.

_I don't even know it's a corpse! It can't be a corpse. It's got to be someone. Like a sitcom or something._

Wash slid out of bed quickly. Naked.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and reached for the baseball bat that he kept right beside his bed. The problem was, he couldn't find it in its usual place; it was propped up against the door. _What is it even doing there?!_

He took a quick look, trying to get ahold of himself and his immense fear. He exhaled in relief when the other man turned around in bed, rolling closer to the center. It was Felix. Not that it made things better, but it meant that he wasn't in danger of being killed. Probably.

_God. Why can't I remember anything? I don't usually get that drunk._

He pulled his clothes on and looked into his bag. There was brand new makeup inside; he remembered then, that both of them had gone shopping before heading down to the bar. Felix's skin tone was slightly lighter than his own, but aside from that, they pretty much used the same kind of makeup.

He reached behind to check, but there wasn't any sign that he'd been penetrated from behind.

 _Okay, now that just raises more questions._ Wash thought, wryly, half glad that nothing like that happened while he was passed out, or too drunk to remember anything. He pulled on his boxer-briefs and a singlet.

“Felix!” He shouted, in a commanding voice.

If it was possible for Felix to jump out of bed, he probably would have. He bolted up in bed and glared angrily at Wash. “Dude! What the fuck? Let me sleep.”

“It's only fifteen minutes till we have to get ready for work.” Wash said. “We need to talk.”

“There's nothing to talk about. We got drunk, we fucked, the end.” Felix lay back down and covered himself with the blanket.

“What?” Wash's voice squeaked as he tried to process everything that happened.

“Oh. You genuinely don't remember?” Felix rolled around so that he faced Wash. “You said you had some problems with memory, then you went on about your weird brain shit and how you haven't gotten decent sleep in a long-ass time, so I told you about the healing powers of masturbation. Which we did. Together.”

“That doesn't sound right. We _just_ pulled out our dicks and _did_ _it_?”

“Whether or not you remember it doesn't make it any less true, Mr. Shitty Memory.” Felix yawned, and looked at Wash with a lewd smile. “Mm. You couldn't wait till I was naked, too. Just started rubbing yourself while I undressed.”

 _Fuck, I must've been really shitfaced._ Wash thought. He put on a hoodie and zipped it up. He looked into the mirror; he looked silly, like he was wearing nothing but a hoodie with no pants on. It would have been almost erotic if he wasn't still bewildered and mildly nauseous.

“If you're wondering, yes, we're still friends, and no, I'm not going to commit to you.”

“That's reassuring.” Wash replied blandly, not wanting to reveal the real reason behind his panic. He'd probably told Felix enough as it was. Worse, Felix remembered it all. Still, if he did anything wrong, Felix would likely have let him know, so he decided to can the topic altogether.

“You are, however, free to start buying me stuff. I have a particular fondness for expensive brands.”

“Which part of me looks like I could afford expensive brands?” Wash squinted sideways at Felix, who grinned to indicate that it was just a joke. Though, Wash wouldn't be surprised if Felix meant it, on some level.

A loud sound came from outside. It was Wash's neighbors.

“Also, god. Not to distract from the important topic of our bright and shining future, but... You know. That couple? They were definitely talking shit about us.” Felix grumbled, as if he'd suddenly remembered something very important. “You know how those people think that just because some Asian dude's small in stature and doesn't work out on the regular, hasn't gone to the barber every two weeks and doesn't fit their ridiculous standards of masculinity, they decide to speculate his gender like it was open season? Also, my style's completely fine, goddamnit. It's _fashionable_. I mean, if you really gotta wonder, just... shut the fuck up and do it in a way that they can't hear you, right? But I bet to them it's like, I BET THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH anyway because THEY'RE MOTHERFUCKING ASIAN!”

While Wash greatly disliked being ranted at, he also wasn't surprised to hear that, because he knew the type of people his neighbors were. At least Felix's anger was justified in this instance – and good god, he could relate. He'd tried his best to ignore people like that, too, especially since his own hair was getting longer – he hated going to barbers – and he had inherited the extra delicate features from both parents. He wasn't surprised that this sort of thing happened to Felix, as well, considering how fine his features and bone structure was. Also, neither of them were tall. “I've never met another Asian who've done that, but it's happened quite a few times with people like that. You're right, they're a bit racist.”

“Just a bit?” Felix snorted. He cracked his knuckles. “I don't think they noticed you coming in, though. I was smoking outside for a bit.”

“Didn't know you smoke.” Wash commented.

“Just started yesterday.” Felix chuckled. “Gotta keep these lips occupied for something other than praying and kissing.”

“...Lips meant for praying...” Wash murmured, wondering why that phrase sounded so familiar.

“I mean, we could also use it to talk. But why talk when you can kiss and smoke, amirite?” Felix grinned. Wash personally found his lack of self-awareness astounding. “You know what, Wash. We're the descendents of the goddamn Babylon tower, and everything's gone to shit since then. Kiss and smoke – there's no communication barrier there. Every single one of these assholes hear what they want to hear, anyway. People like your neighbors, they hear nothing but 'Ching chong'. Why bother?”

 _Good god, it's like he wants to be Tyler Durden, but didn't read enough Nietzsche. He's right about my neighbors, though._ Wash sighed. He grabbed a muesli bar and began to munch on it. “You're right.”

“Where'd you get that from?”

"My desk.” He watched as Felix's eyes focused on his bar. “If you want food, you'll have to get out of bed.”

“...No breakfast in bed?” Felix pouted.

“Not in my bed. Get up.” Wash said, shuffling over to the dining table. “There's a chair for you.”

“Wow. You actually get visitors on the regular? I don't believe it.”

Wash shrugged. He didn't, but Felix didn't need to know that. It was just Ikea nesting instinct; the table and chairs came in a set. He was having his End Of The Month “meal” for about half a month afterwards, and it was even a cheap set. But, it was worth it; he liked having a table to sit at. It gave him some sense of normality.

“Hey, Wash. What would you do if your neighbours came into the cafe?” Felix asked, suddenly, a provocative smirk on his lips.

Wash looked at the window, and heard the sudden laughter of braindead people, people who were happy because they were complete and utter morons, the same sort that was completely unaware of the evils of the world and contributed to it. He said the first thing that popped into his mind. “...They deserve to die.”

“Whoa there, no murdering strangers, edgelord!” Felix grinned. “I mean, I would help, but it's against the law, and cops these days have pretty advanced shit. We're not white, we're going to have a real tough time in jail.”

“I know.” Wash shrugged. “People don't always get what they deserve.”

“Nah, what I mean is, this vibe can't be good for you, you know? I mean, I'd like to see them suffer, too, preferably dying afterwards, but that's just not how the world works. Now, if they come into the coffee shop, I am definitely going to add a little something extra into their coffee. They won't die, it'll even be good for them. Just some extra protein in their milk, know what I'm saying?”

Wash thought of all the nasty things that had been said to him while he was in the army. One of them involved threats of peeing into his morning coffee. Which could potentially work, if Wash hadn't become incredibly paranoid with his drinks after hearing said threat. “That is morally wrong.”

 “Their entire existence is morally wrong.” Felix shrugged.

 “...You've got a point.” Wash smiled. He clasped his hands and looked at Felix in the morning light. He found it truly relaxing to gaze at Felix's face. He liked the shape of those dark-brown eyes; he felt at home looking into them, like he won't be judged for the shape of his own features. “...If they ever come into the coffee shop, both of us have got to do it.”

Felix grinned at him. “You know what? You and I, we'd make a great team, Wash.”

“Team Fight Club? Team Coffee Shop?” Wash suggested. “Team Vet and Barista?”

“No, no, and BEEEEP.” Felix imitated the beeping sound used to represent “no” in television programs. “Team Felix McAwesome.”

“My name's not Felix.” Wash protested.

“Team McAwesome?” Felix shrugged. “Wash is a stupid name, though.”

Wash would burst a vein if he wasn't always low-key exhausted.“...You're an asshole. An asshole I hadn't expected to actually like or understand, but still an asshole.”

“Pfft. We work in a coffee shop named after a cult movie from the late nineties. It's not like we're gonna be utter saints.” Felix rolled his eyes. “Though, I've been waiting for somebody to share the references with. You know what I mean?”

“...What, like inside jokes?”

“Well, it's not actually a joke, it's just a movie reference. I just came up with it while I was really fucking bored, alright, and I think it's just a good rule to follow when you work at a place like that.” Felix said, lighting up.

Wash was about to protest since it would ruin his good furniture, but they had a makeshift ashtray – presumably from yesterday night – so he thought it was probably too late to tell Felix not to smoke.

“Anyway, my first rule is, only give a shit when those people are worthy. The rest can go fuck themselves.”

“...So.” Wash raised his eyebrows.

They exchanged a look.

“Yes, yes. Whatever, Washy boy. You're worthy, _obviously_ , or I wouldn't be talking with you about this shit.” Felix grinned.

“ _Boy_?” Wash's voice squeaked again.

“Why, got a boner, _son_?”

“We're both fully grown adults with no age gap.” Wash protested. “ _Son? Seriously?_ ”

“You know what? That actually means it's okay to say it. Now if you were actually younger, that'd just be wrong.” Felix lowered his voice. “And I know your type. Admit it, it gets you raging _hard_.”

“We've got to go to work soon, Felix.” Wash uttered softly, feeling himself run out of steam to protest. He crossed his legs again so that his traitor of a cock wouldn't stand at parade. _I am Jack's insatiable libido. More like, what the fuck is Felix doing to me? I don't usually want anybody at all._

“So, the backroom, then?” The other man licked his lips, and Wash found himself not wanting to say no.

“So long as I get to remember what's going on.” Wash smiled.

*


	4. Chapter 4

 

“Seriously, how do you do that?” Wash asked, as he sat beside Felix at the table near the counter.

“Do what?”

“That thing where you're all normal, and then you suddenly put on a smile, and heads start turning. I've heard that Marilyn Monroe was capable of doing something like that.”

“So you're saying that I'm like Marilyn Monroe? Thanks.” Felix looked up, and winked.

“God! That's exactly what I mean.” Wash explained.

Felix laughed and shook his head. “Well, I'll give you a tip. You tilt your head, chin down, and try winking at me.”

Wash did exactly as he was told, and felt incredibly awkward about it. He winked.

“Too self-conscious. You've got to relax.”

“Relax and myself haven't been in the same room since the early nineties.”

“You were pretty relaxed last night.” Felix said, eyes rolled upwards as he recollected the night's events. He resumed gazing at Wash with the kind of smile that made it hard to guess what he was thinking. “After a couple of drinks, anyway. I think you really should drink more.”

“You think?” Wash pursed his lips thoughtfully. He nodded to himself, and shrugged. He'd already let too much out of the bag; Felix probably knew of way too many weaknesses of his to exploit. That was probably how Felix got him, a corporal who was used to shouting orders at recruits, to clean the floor and just about everything that needed cleaning. Though, to be fair, Felix did most of the cashiering, and it did seem to get busy enough sometimes.

“You're afraid of relaxing, that's what you are.” Felix said, looking at him in the eyes sympathetically.

“What do you mean by that? There's no one in the world who'd be afraid of relaxing.”

“What I mean is,” Felix explained, putting his phone on the table, “You've been too much of a military boy. I mean, just think about it. Duty, being told to obey orders without questioning, extremely rigid regiments, shit like that. So when you got out, you were scared because everything that you've been trained to do, all the instincts that have been drilled into you without your consent, aren't useful anymore. In fact, they harm you. You look at people and feel like they could be shooting you. You look at a building and start trying to spot snipers. You have to train yourself not to do that anymore.”

“Whoa. It's almost like you were looking into my head.” Wash looked at Felix curiously. “Were you in the military?”

“It's common sense whether or not you're in the military. Anyway, you've got to get rid of that mentality, that somebody's out to get you, that you've got to do what you're told.”

Wash kept quiet.

“Okay, I mean, you want to do your job, right? What does a job entail? You're a barista here, so you smile at people, alright? That's far more important than keeping things clean. You've got customers coming in, you make good coffee, and you make them feel like home. They're happy, they'll come back no matter how dirty or shitty this place is.”

“I don't agree fully.” Wash said, after a while. “The place still has to be clean. You don't draw dicks on the board outside and expect people to come in.”  
  
Felix let out a hoot of laughter and slammed his fist on the table, the suddenness of it causing Wash to jump. “What makes you think those aren't dicks? Look harder.”

Wash stood up, went outside, and stared at the chalkboard for a long, hard while. When he saw it, he felt as if his life had just shortened by ten years.

“God, Felix...” _I am Jack's lack of words._

“Saw it?” Felix laughed at his face.

“How on earth did you meet somebody like Aunt Ginnie, anyway? She hired me because I'm a relative. You're not related to Aunt Ginnie, so there has to be something else.”

“Meh.” Felix shrugged. “A few hours at Starbucks behind the counter is still work experience. I learnt to make coffee before quitting. The rest is just common sense.”

“You didn't tell her that, did you?”

“Obviously not.” The other man rolled his eyes.

“What happened when you needed to take a day off?” Wash asked, still trying to figure out how Felix's life even worked. “I wasn't around to cover you then. And I'm not even sure if I can do it now.”

“Eh. I'll manage.” Felix shrugged. “Not like there's a lot of things to do outside of work. I made my acquaintances here, mostly. And the thing with people is, you've got to keep them at an arm's length. _Most_ people are afraid, just like you. And most of them are motherless pigs, so it's not like you really have to give a shit about how they feel, because usually it's some shallow bullshit.”

“Wait. _You're_ afraid.” Wash said, suddenly realizing that that was what Felix was trying to get at. “That's why you put everything into this job. You don't have anything else.”

“Something _you'd_ know?” Felix's eyes shone as he looked up at him with a self-assured smile. “...I mean, before you start, I don't know, psychoanalysing me or some shit, let's get this straight. We're in a post-capitalist society, where everybody's defined by their jobs and limited by their social circles within the job scope. So, Wash. What do _you_ have? I mean, aside from your Aunt Ginnie, and I bet she's not even close to you at all.”

“We're not close, but she's been very helpful towards me.” Wash's mouth gaped for a moment, but he closed it. He really didn't know. He could list off the Ikea sets at home – things that made living bearable, and gave him some warped sense of identity as a civilian. That was why he'd taken up this job – it gave him something to do. “You're different, though. You're charming. Why don't you just... Go up to people and start talking to them?”

“What makes you think I don't?” Felix laughed.

“Nothing came out of that?” Wash asked, genuinely curious.

“I could keep trying and the number of worthy individuals I'd meet is zero.” Felix waved dismissively.

“And here I thought I was the only person who had lost all faith in humanity.” Wash mused.

“Pfft. I'm the most human of them all, Wash.” Felix had his charming voice on again, like he wanted Wash to believe the same thing he did. “I mean, think about it. What have humans been doing since the beginning of time? I'll give you a hint: There're only two things.”

Somehow, Wash felt that it said more about Felix than humanity itself. His mind wasn't sure that it was quite ready to handle that, so he spaced out and started looking at the shop window.

“Have you even been listening to anything I said?” Felix grumbled in frustration.

“I have!” Wash protested. “I just got tired from listening to you.”

“Not enough sleep? I wonder if you'd sleep better in my bed...”

They looked at each other. Wash couldn't figure out Felix's smile, so he kept quiet. He didn't need to know everything; sometimes the best way to relax was to truly not care – and the things that didn't matter would simply fade out of focus.

 _Two things that humanity is good for,_ Wash thought, resting his chin on his hand. _He means us, too. Probably._

Felix yawned, and stretched. He stood by the shop window and looked out; the street was emptier than the coffee shop.

“Bad location for a coffee shop.” Wash commented.

“...Eh. There's people living nearby, and I guess rent here can't possibly be too high. It's not a rich neighborhood, but it's liveable.”

“Is it always like this at this hour?”

“It's one of the party spot on weekends in the area. Apart from that we could go back to the backroom...” Felix suggested, suddenly circling close to Wash and putting both hands on his shoulders.

Wash really wished that Felix wouldn't do that. He stiffened, and said, “Okay.”

Felix didn't seem to mind his reaction. Both of them scuttled to the room. Wash waited for Felix to suggest something – and, considering what they've already done in said room, he really won't be surprised if it was something lewd.

“Here's the extra milk.” Felix said, pointing to the top shelf. “We run out of that, we have to go get more down the street. Probably won't, though. The pastry van delivers every morning, you just have to sign for it and pay out of the register from yesterday's earnings. Which you've seen me do.”

“Aunt Ginnie lets you handle everything?”

“She used to drop by before closing, but I guess she doesn't have to now that you're here. She's got bigger fish to fry, friend.” Felix shrugged.

“She said that I'll get money from till, if there's any profits.”

“...Wow.” Felix looked at Wash, and almost let out a pitying laugh. “We made a profit of about twenty dollars yesterday, after deducting rent and my salary.”

“That's less than minimum wage.” Wash said. “And you're being paid by the hour.”

“...Well, this shop really only needs one employee... But it's boring here by myself, so I promise you I won't pocket anything from the register.” Felix grinned, and put on his “you can trust me” tone again.

Wash didn't buy it, and was too tired to care. “It's fine. I'm not here for the money.”

“Good, because you'll be sorely disappointed otherwise. I mean, twenty for a full day's work? That's just sad.”

“We should make banana smoothies or something.” Wash said, after a while. “A hot day like this, it'll sell. Probably.”

“Sure, why not? You'd have to get the bananas, test it out, and then run it by Aunt G.”

“Can't we just add it to the menu?”

“I think there's a profit margin or something only businesswomen know.” Felix shrugged. “It's not like this place really has a career path, you know?”

“Speaking of which: Why are you here?” Wash asked. “You're so well-adjusted. You could... do anything you want instead of being at a dead-end job like this.”

“Like I said, Wash. Seven bucks per hour is still seven bucks per hour, and I've got a family to feed.” Felix grinned widely.

“Right.” Wash sensed that Felix simply didn't want to answer the question. He only asked the question so that he could get to know Felix better. “...You were serious about feeding your family?”

“I'm my own family.” Felix laughed. “Hey, listen. If you don't mind watching the shop for five minutes, I'm gonna go for a smoke. Think you can handle that?”

“Yeah, sure.” Wash replied easily. He headed back out to the front, and watched as people walked past the shop, trying to look presentable and friendly should any of them come in.

Wash bit his fingernails. Somebody looked in, which made him quickly stop, self-conscious of the fact that it probably looked too fidgety and unhygienic. They made eye contact, and Wash smiled, but the other person ignored him and went away. It felt incredibly awkward.

“Wait, it's been twenty minutes now. Feeeelix...” Wash sighed, shoulders slumping as he went to the back to check up on Felix.

The other man was a little further down the street, chatting with Locus. Locus was wearing a suit, and, even with damaged hearing, Wash could make out something about how Locus was probably starting work soon.

“I have to go now.” Locus said, and gave Felix a kiss on the cheek. Felix grinned, chuckled, and casually touched Locus' buttocks as the man turned to leave. The large beefcake barely gave a response, but from his body language, it was clear that he was pretty fond of Felix, and Felix was definitely... very much into Locus.

Wash's heart sank. _I am Jack's sense of dejection._

__

_–_ _Am I that lonely?_

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's semen in drinks in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I begin, I'd like to gently nudge everyone to read [the explicit short fic detailing Wash's and Felix's first night. (Warning: Contains mutual masturbation and mild romantic undertones.)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8011612) It's basically _like_ a chapter, except I'd posted it separately to keep this one T-rated.

“I didn't know that you've already gotten together with Locus.” Wash said, as soon as Felix came back in. He was washing the dishes when he said that, so his voice must have been drowned out by the sound of running water.

Felix yelled, “Could you give me a sec? Heeey, Vimes. How are you doing?”

Wash breathed in deeply and continued scrubbing; he wanted to make sure the cups were as clean and white as possible. A cafe's worst enemy was coffee stains in the cups. He listened a bit and wondered, how, for all Felix's contempt about humanity, he still managed to bring himself to do all of that kind of small talk. Felix was good at it, too; he genuinely seemed interested in what the other person was doing, but didn't seem to care too much, either.

 _Felix. Teach me to care and not to care.._.Wash tilted his head slightly and looked from the corner of his eyes to see where people were. Vimes had taken a coffee to-go, and just as he was in the shop, somebody else came in.

He blinked. It was his neighbours.

“Hi! How can I help you?” Felix grinned at them, like nothing had happened the day before. As it was, they didn't seem to recognise him; they looked at the menu and ordered an iced latte each, one with soymilk.

“Sarah's vegan, so make sure her drink's vegan.”

“Thanks, sweetie.” She giggled, in an artificial way that was intensely high-pitched; the sound made Wash's damaged right ear ring.

 _I am Jack's vague feeling of intense disgust and nausea._ Wash felt the skin from his back crawl. He'd technically never introduced himself to them, and never planned to; the only reason he knew their names was because they were so goddamn loud about it.

“Want some cakes, honey?”

“Oh, naaah, Alex, the cakes here don't look so good... I prefer Starbucks.”

Wash awkwardly tried to slide towards the backroom without facing them. He wasn't sure what to do, so he took the washcloth with him.

“Woops! There's no soymilk out front. I'll be back, got some soybeans to milk.” Felix grinned at them. “Alex” nodded suspiciously in a very hypermasculine way typical of young partygoers, presumably thinking that Felix was interested in his girlfriend, and “Sarah” giggled in a hyperfeminine way typical of the same.

“I've got some stuff to do in there as well.” Wash muttered, as Felix and his own eyes met. They made it to the backroom at the exact same time.

As soon as the door was closed, Felix grumbled, “Good god, I hate them. There's heterosexual people, and then there's The Hets. Alex! Sarah!” He mimicked as he turned around and started fondling himself and making sarcastic kissy noises.

Wash tossed the washcloth onto the shelf angrily. “Yeah. I'm not on good terms with them. You can see why. I fucking hear Sarah fake her orgasms every night at eleven, right on the dot. Alex lasts about thirty seconds from the sound of it. Then they have a giant fight afterwards. And that's not counting the midweek parties with loud, shitty dance music and a lot of beer.”

“Yeaaah, I think I heard that when I was over at your place. I mean, they said some shit about me, so...” Felix grinned. “Here's our chance. Revenge.”

Wash raised an eyebrow, as Felix, still grinning, performed a lewd hand motion.

*

Wash didn't know how Felix successfully managed to slip it into their drinks, or how much sugar syrup he tossed into the iced latte, with whip cream on top. He did, however, stand in their line of sight and tried not to watch the couple fondle each other while Felix made their coffee. They seemed more interested in displaying that they were a couple than anybody else around them, so Wash didn't exactly have much to distract them for. When Felix was done, the drinks looked a touch fancier than normal iced lattes, and Wash wondered how it actually tasted.

They took their drinks, paid, went out of the coffee shop and took a sip. They didn't seem too concerned about the taste, and just kept drinking and walking, in the most saccharine society-sanctioned romantic way ever.

Felix and Wash exchanged a long, hard glance, before Felix burst into laughter.

“They fucking took it! Nothing like the sweet feeling of idiots getting what they deserve.”

“I wonder how it even tastes.” Wash said, feeling oddly triumphant.

“You wanna try?” Felix wiggled his eyebrows, making a drinking gesture. “Gotta wait a bit, I'm all out right now.”

“What makes you think I'll drink yours?” Wash squeaked aloud, as Felix laughed some more. “Also, never make me coffee. Ever.”

“Hey, Washy, if you want it fresh from the source, just ask.”

“That's... That's different, okay? And I'm not going to do it without a condom.”

“What, even a blowjob? Now you're just paranoid.”

“You can catch stuff from blowjobs. Also, it's the principle of the thing.” Wash said firmly, and then suddenly remembered Felix and Locus' clandestine meeting in the backstreet again. “Wait. Felix. We've got time now, right?”

“Yeah? Shoot.”

Wash ignored the obvious innuendo this time around.

“I saw you out back with Locus just now. Are you sure it's okay, with me? I mean...”

Felix looked at him with something in his eyes; Wash thought it wasn't an unkind look, but a look full of sympathy. Which was strange, because Wash didn't think he needed sympathy. It wasn't unwelcome, however – it was just that he wanted Felix to be upfront about it.

“I mean, if you're dating him, I'm just making sure I'm not the third party here.”

“You're not the third party here.” Felix's reply was straightforward and sounded sincere; he didn't use his cajoling voice.

Wash relaxed. “You're dating? Lucky.”

“Kind of, but not quite.” Felix smiled, a little sadly. He looked at Wash. “He's not like me. He's the sort who'd take home strays and feed them. We hardly live in the same universe, you know what I mean?”

“You go well together, I think.” Wash said. “You're not a bad person, either.”

“Gee, so I'm just okay? I mean, I'm the most amazing person ever.” Felix raised his eyebrow and leaned against the counter, like he was putting himself on show. “So that's what you think of me, hm?”

“It's not that.” Wash raised both of his hands, feeling like he had just dissed Felix without meaning to. “I mean, you claim to want to be Tyler Durden, but I think you're not. Everyone who wants to be Tyler wishes that they could be as bad as he is, as good as he is in taking advantage of the mob.”

Felix looked amused. He kept wiggling his eyebrow now, a smirk on his face. “Now you're just underestimating me. I would take advantage of a mob if they were stupid enough to follow me. See, Wash, the movie was an entire power trip made up by a guy who was getting fucked over by the medical establishment that didn't take his mental illness seriously. It's anything but realistic. It's easier to work one-on-one.”

“You were touching his butt.” Wash blurted out. “And he gave you a kiss on the cheek.”

“It's a nice ass.” Felix shrugged.

“My point is, Felix, you understand him. You have it in you to become a better person than you give yourself credit for.”

“Hey man, it's just a short-term relationship. Stop making this awkward.” Felix rolled his eyes and turned around. “He's hot, and doesn't do hookups. I'm horny. That's all there is to it, okay?”

“Then I should warn him.” Wash said grimly.

“What? No!” Felix sighed. “Don't ruin this for me. You can still go after him if you want. Heck, I'll help you.”

“Really?” Wash asked, curious. He really was expecting anything but this.

Felix laughed.

“What's so funny?”

“Oh, Washy. It's just that one moment you're all, 'This isn't cheating, is it?' And the next, you're ready to snitch on me. Then you're all hooked in by the prospect of hot Locus dick.” Felix rolled his eyes. “You want to believe in the good in people in some level, but what you have to realize is that nobody's hundred percent good, or hundred percent bad.”

“What about my neighbors?” Wash asked. “Or the people who send our soldiers to war and cut our benefits after fucking us up? Wall street bankers? That CEO who intentionally raised the price of HIV medicine such that it's exorbitant?”

“All of them can go fuck themselves.” Felix didn't miss a beat. “What I mean, Wash, is that you're much more than you think you are.”

Wash fell silent. He looked at Felix, waiting for him to go on one of those monologues of his, to explain more.

Felix inhaled deeply, and made a gesture like he didn't know what to say.

“I like you, Wash.” Felix said, after a while. “And I like Locus' ass. I think there's something similar about the both of you. That's all.”

“You like him.” Wash said, like he'd realized some profound truth that Felix didn't.

“Shut up.” Felix retorted, cheeks red.

“Okay.” Wash wiped the coffee machine, still smiling. He wiped the counter again, and watched as Felix served the customers that came in. He knew that Felix, like himself, probably thought a lot more than they felt, but it didn't mean that they didn't still have feelings.

Even though Wash was too tired to feel much of anything most of the time, he was starting to be happy, in a small, quiet sort of way. With Felix around, his day was a lot less mundane, and he could distract himself easily from the horrors that refused to go away.

“Jesus, another soy latte with double espresso and a shot of hazelnut with whipped cream on top.” Felix rolled his eyes and gestured every time he spoke.

Wash tried not to laugh at just how annoyed Felix was. “I could help make the coffee.”

“Yeah, but they come in here to watch me make it for them.” 

“Maybe they came in here just for a drink that they like the taste of.” Wash replied.

“Sure, but where else can you get the custom service of having a cute barista look up in the middle of heating your latte, and making eye contact?” 

“What?”

“Okay. You go and stand in front of the counter. I'll show you what I mean.”

Amused, Wash did exactly as he was told.

“Wash! Such a pleasure to see you.” Felix said, with a familiar grin. “What'd you like today?”

“Uh. Soymilk latte with double espresso, with hazelnut and cinnamon.”

“One soymilk latte with double espresso and hazelnut and cinnamon, coming right up.” Felix grinned, and went to the coffee maker. He looked up at Wash as he made the coffee – long enough to catch his attention, but not long enough to ruin the coffee.

“I see what you mean.” Wash said, when Felix handed him the latte. He took a sip. “This doesn't have our 'addition' to the soymilk, does it?”

“...Maybe.”

“No way.” Wash almost spat his latte out. He sniffed it skeptically.

“You could try practicing that, if you want.” Felix offered.

“Okay.”

With Felix in front of the counter, making eyes at him, Wash tried his best to emulate what Felix did.

“Relax. Just pretend I'm not that hot, like I'm just some guy off the street.”

“Okay.” Wash filled the cup with a shot of espresso and filled the cup up with milk. He looked up with a smile as Felix wiggled his brows at him – again. Wash jumped when he missed the milk and steam came out of the nozzle without touching the milk, filling his vision. “Fuck! It's hot!”

Felix laughed so hard that his stomach hurt.

Mildly humiliated, Wash put the coffee aside and made it the normal way. He slid Felix the cup quietly, and smiled to himself.

“Geez. How would you handle making coffee for Locus?”

“Oh, I made him coffee once, actually.” Wash said. “I gave it to him for free.”

“You like him that much? Why don't I tell you everything you need to know so that you can both hook up too?” Felix grinned. “And you'll owe me a favour. Nice.”

“I don't...” Wash was about to protest.

“So, Locus works nearby at a bar down the street. He walks past during breaks sometimes.” Felix said. “If you stay after work, maybe he'll drop in. You can chat with him then. That's how I got his number, by the way.”

“You got his number already? Oh, wait. Of course you did.”  
  
“Pfft. I think he drops by this cafe just to see me, really.” Felix grinned. “He's not comfortable talking or showing any affection in front of other people, so I have to catch him in private. You should do that too, if you want.”

“I...” Wash lowered his head. “Do you know anything about how he got his scar?”

“Didn't ask, he didn't tell.” Felix shrugged. “He'll talk about it if he wants to. Like I said, he's a bit like you. You go by what, Wash? He goes by Locus. I'm like the only normal person around here, or something.”

“And yet,” Wash said, smiling, “You like us.”

Felix looked like he got one-upped by Wash. “Hey! Since when did I say that?”

“You said it just now. 'I like you, Wash, and I like Locus' ass.'”

“Christ, why do you remember shit like this instead of shit that actually matters?”

Wash chuckled. “You know, before these memory blanks happened, I had a pretty decent memory. My mom even said that I have a long memory.”

Felix squinted at him suspiciously.

“It's true. I had a fight with my sister and I brought it up once. Mom stepped in and said, 'Wash, stop it with your long memory'. I haven't forgotten that since.” Wash looked down at the counter, and shrugged.

“Hmm.” Felix stroked his chin. “You know what? I'm planning to head over to the club that Locus works at. He's there as a bouncer, so he can't really do much during shift. But maybe we could just go and have a bit of fun, and see how it goes.”

Wash's eyes widened. “You sure?”

“Pfft. Of course I'm sure.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

Wash hadn't been to a club in ages. The club that he'd been to, once, only had a dress code where everybody had to be smart-casual, and he was allowed in with no problems. Of course, the fact that they didn't really control the crowd meant that it wasn't very exclusive, even though it was a popular destination. There were occasionally gay and drag nights, but the one night Wash had gone was a regular one. He'd gotten drunk, danced a bit with his friends, and found it incredibly underwhelming an experience.

That was, of course, when he had friends; before he lost all trust in people.

“This club is whiter than bread.” Wash commented under his breath, as Felix stood in front of him, holding hands with Wash discreetly.

“They control the crowd here.” Felix whispered. “Locus was here at that time. I'd said hi to him and started flirting with him, so they let me in. If they let me in, they've got to let you in, as well.”

“Really?” Wash wasn't sure if Felix was right. It was hard enough being nearly invisible on account of his race and social ineptitude; he didn't need the additional experience of being rejected from a club.

“Locus will be at the front today. I asked him earlier. Just say hi when you see him, make it as conspicuous as possible. They'll let us in – you'll see.” Felix chuckled.

“Every time I say hi to somebody, though... It's like, nobody sees me.” Wash protested. He looked at the crowd around him, and saw a couple of guys looking at Felix from the corner of their eyes. “It's different, Felix.”

“Even if you don't trust yourself, trust me, alright?” Felix smiled at him and, to Wash's surprise, kissed him on the cheek quickly. “Relax. I've got you.”

Wash turned very red and looked away for a brief moment, his heart pounding. The hand still holding onto Felix's was starting to feel hot and sweaty, and Wash wanted to protest, to let go in case he was inconveniencing Felix, but even so, Felix didn't relax his grip.

“There's quite a lot of people for a weekday.” Wash commented, after a while. “Don't these people have jobs? School?”

“Maybe they can't sleep.” Felix shrugged. “Besides, you won't like it here on a weekend. It gets busy enough where we work.”

“Hey, Felix!” Some guy shouted from behind the line, and made a hand gesture.

“Preston! Sure, buddy!” Felix grinned, and the guy barreled right into the line, and stood beside Felix.

Wash instinctively let go, and soon found himself standing behind Preston, who was making small talk with Felix. He looked up at the guy's head, trying to get noticed, but he just kept talking to Felix, as if he hadn't even seen him. Felix didn't introduce him, either. They soon got to the front of the line, and Wash's anxiety peaked – he thought that with Felix occupied, then, he won't get in for sure.

“Hey, Locus.” Felix grinned, as soon as he saw Locus.

Locus nodded, and smiled. Wash was almost taken aback by how pure it looked, and tried to wave, but the guy who was now with Felix blocked him from Locus' view, and Locus didn't see him. He opened his mouth, but fell silent.

 _ _I am Jack's sense of social rejection.__ It was bad enough that he was surrounded by people, most of whom were taller than he was and could easily overpower him in that situation. He wondered if he could sneak away without Felix noticing, but felt like he had to go through with this.

To the doorman, Felix had a welcoming smile on his face. “Hi.”

“ID, please.”

The doorman smiled at Preston, the new guy who stood in line with Felix, and only took a short glance at his card before waving him in. Felix gave the man his ID, and the doorman examined it carefully. Preston went in first, claiming to have friends inside waiting for him. Felix was left alone with Wash then, so he said, “We're together.”

To which, the doorman held out his hand for Wash's ID. Wash handed the doorman his card, too, and the doorman lifted his sunglasses and looked at his ID with the same amount of scrutiny that he gave Felix's. Felix stood there, head tall, shoulders back, seemingly undisturbed by this difference in treatment.

Wash was starting to get antsy, and a bitter feeling was starting to build in the pit of his stomach. When he felt like that, he wanted to smash somebody's head in. He pictured himself yelling at the doorman, demanding to know why “Preston's” ID was not so much even looked at. He also pictured himself getting handled roughly by the guards there, and getting thrown out. He then imagined himself punching the doorman in the face as revenge, but all he could think of was getting thrown in jail.

Finally done with their IDs, the doorman nodded at Felix with a terse smile and handed him both of their cards.

“Thanks, dude.” Felix smiled as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and took Wash's hand before giving him his ID back. Felix didn't even take a look at it, which was something Wash found refreshing. It was like he could trust him.

Wash felt a churning inside his stomach; it was just the entrance selection, but he was already sick and tired. The deep sense of injustice that he often felt in this society was beginning to well up inside of himself, and at that very moment, he hated the sense of rejection, of invisibility, and wanted to destroy the entire club with everyone in it.

“What do you want, Wash?” The other man said, squeezing his hand tightly. “I mean, drinks. Not life goals.”

It was then that Wash realised that Felix was still holding onto his hand. It reminded him that he was right there, with Felix. He could tell Felix that they weren't welcome in that establishment, like they weren't everywhere else. But what purpose would that serve? Felix was there to have fun. And he was there because Felix was there.

“You're getting really sweaty, Washy. Seriously, I'll buy you a drink–“

“No, I'll get it myself.” Wash replied.

“Soooo paranoid.” Felix chuckled.

“It's a good habit to have.” Wash's voice was low. Not wanting Felix to think that he didn't appreciate the gesture, he said, “Thanks, though.”

“Pfft.” Felix shrugged, and casually let go of Wash's hand. They went to the bar; it was busy, and they had to squeeze to the front of the crowd to get any attention at all. Felix got a cocktail, and Wash got a beer, on tap.

Even with a beer, Wash wasn't relaxing as fast as he'd like; he was still antsy, and started entertaining thoughts of being away from the crowd and the ridiculous music. Felix had finished his cocktail. He gestured to Wash, pointing at his cocktail. “I'm going to get another. Want one?”

“Okay.” Wash replied. He made sure to follow Felix with his gaze this time, but the other man never looked back once; he got the drinks and came back to Wash without any suspicious behavior. He relaxed a little, took his drink, and found himself relaxing a lot more this time. “Do you come here often after work?”

Felix had just reached for his lighter and cigarette; he exhaled a cloud of smoke, and looked at Wash blankly and with a confused smile, like he couldn't hear anything. It was no wonder; Wash could barely hear himself, after all. The music was just loud enough that he could feel himself going deaf.

He wondered why Felix came here; it was so difficult to talk to anybody. Even though he noticed that there were people looking at Felix out of curiosity and interest, he felt as though he was invisible, like a lump of rock that just happened to be with the handsome, confident man.

“I said, do you come here often?” He repeated.

“Oh, yeah. When I have time and money, sure.” Felix grinned. He watched the dance floor casually, like there was a buffet to be laid out for him, casually raking his eyes over the hotter ones on the floor. Wash watched, uncomfortable with everything and wanting to sink into the stool until it buried him.

“I'm going out for a bit.” He said, standing up.

Felix looked at his watch. “So soon? Give it a couple more hours, Locus will be having his break later.”

Wash opened his mouth, but saw Felix's bright, shiny eyes. He wondered if Felix knew that he wasn't just doing this for Locus, or if it would even go anywhere with the tall man. He wanted to explain that the music, combined with the crowd, was giving him a dreadful feeling at the pit of his stomach, but could find no such words.

Almost like he was sensing that Wash needed a distraction, Felix sat closer and pulled him into a kiss. He tasted like tobacco and sweet fruit punch with alcohol – a taste that was not entirely unpleasant to Wash, at all.

“One good thing about gay bars,” Felix said, when they parted, “It's that you can make out whenever you want, and nobody will give a shit.”

“Is this how we ended up in bed the other time?” Wash asked, voice squeaking slightly. He got a strange sense of deja vu, as if there was something deeper to his budding friendship with Felix, but he didn't know what it meant.

“Mhm.” Felix grinned, and looked at Wash in the eyes like he was the only person in the room. Wash knew that he wasn't, and that Felix definitely had his eyes on a few others – but he really didn't care at that exact moment, not with the other man stroking his thigh. “I can do this all night long, if that's what you need.”

“Why are we waiting for Locus?”

“Don't you want to talk with him?” Felix asked, innocently. “Trust me, he's interested in you as well. You should at least stay here until his break.”

“Okay.” Wash looked at the crowd again, feeling lost as the room began to fill up.

“I mean, somebody's got to look after my seat when I'm off getting drinks, right?”

With the growing crowd, Wash felt as if hair was standing on his back with people standing so close to him, but they didn't seem to be paying any attention to Felix or himself. Instead, they provided cover from the floor. Wash kept glancing to his sides, the lizard part of his brain hissing.

As if he knew what Wash was thinking, Felix smiled, cupping Wash's cheek so that he was forced to look at him. Wash wasn't sure why, or how, somebody so good-looking was paying attention to him and only him.

“I know how you feel,” Felix said. “Just think of me, and nothing else.”

Wash almost lost his breath. He put his drink down, turned his body entirely towards Felix, and watched through heavy-lidded eyes as Felix's face came closer, again.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

“Do you remember anything that happened yesterday night, or?” Felix looked at Wash from the corner of his eyes, tilting his head as he applied a chapstick. Wash brushed his hair quickly and looked at the mirror, smearing the concealer on carefully.

Wash blushed, for reasons beyond his understanding. “I remember parts of it. Why are you asking?”

“Just curious.” Felix replied. His fringe was pinned up as he applied a little bit of powder onto his face. “How about the part where you talked to Locus?”

Wash blinked. He wondered if Felix wanted to know because he hadn't drank that much, and maybe they could keep track of his alcohol consumption. Either that, or Felix just wanted to see what was appropriate conversation material. Still, he remembered very little, now that he actually thought about it. Wash knew that his memory was bad; the fact that it was getting worse was not exactly reassuring. “Let me think about it for a moment.”

“Well,” Felix raised an eyebrow. “You don't have to. It's not that important, Wash.”

“No. Let me try.” Wash's distrust of Felix grew ever so slightly, as he wondered if Felix knew that it was important for _him_ to remember. Felix's cavalier dismissal of his issues bugged him. He put aside the tubes of makeup and sat down on the stool. He watched as Felix dabbed at his face, and got up when both of them were done. “Memory gets better with usage.”

“Here's a little something to jog your memory,” Felix said, reaching over to touch Wash's butt.

Wash stiffened a little at the suddenness of it, then relaxed because it was Felix. He turned with a smile, wiggling his body in a way that made Felix laugh – whilst Felix took the opportunity and leaned in for a kiss.

Wash nibbled on Felix's lower lips a little, and smiled quietly, touching the back of his neck as he pulled away.

“It's time to open the shop. We shouldn't delay anymore.” Wash reached for the doorknob and stepped out of the room. Felix followed suit.

The smell of fresh coffee soon filled the air. Wash made a couple of lattes, handing them to customers with what he thought was a smile. He was exhausted, but in a good way this time around; he felt rejuvenated from being around Felix.

Wash wasn't a particularly artistic sort – his art was looked stiff to even himself, and his writing read like a very boring essay. But, when he looked at Felix, he felt like there was something to be said for the idea of muses.

 _I guess, if I had more of an artistic bone in my body, I would be a slave to Felix's charm. They say Shakespeare was a slave to beauty,_ Wash thought. _I am Jack's mundane shadow of Shakespeare._

– _Hey, that's actually kind of poetic._

He looked at Felix, wondering if that was how straight men felt when they watched Marilyn Monroe glide around, with grace and confidence. He hadn't felt this way in a very long time; there were many good-looking people on earth, but he felt nothing of this sort towards them. Wash wondered if, like all things, it was because he was a master of repression and of numbing his own feelings.

 _I was kissing him last night, yes. I don't remember anything else, because we were so engrossed in each other._ Wash stroked his chin absent-mindedly. _I feel good. Did we do anything else? We probably did. It's Felix, after all._

“Wash! Wash! Stop spacing out!” Felix nudged him, with the urgency of a gossip.

Wash quickly snapped to attention. “What?”

Felix gestured down the street. Wash looked, confused for a moment, before realizing that he was gesturing at Locus, who was coming down the street, and not at the shop window.

“How do you manage to survive in Sand Land?” Felix rolled his eyes and quickly checked himself out in the metal reflection of the coffee machine.

“Right on time.” Wash looked at his watch, and looked at Felix. He glanced over at the coffee-machine, too, looking for his own reflection. He was comfortable with the way he looked. “I think he comes over to see you.”

Felix smirked. “You think?”

Wash looked at Felix, gears clicking in his head. Felix probably meant that it was a no-brainer, given their relationship. He wondered if he actually got to talk to Locus last night. Probably not; but he'd have to recall the evening in its entirety, and go by a process of elimination. “I meant, he does.”

“I still can't believe we're going on a date this week.” Felix licked his lips. “Finally.”

“Oh.”

Locus came in – Wash looked away and started wiping the counter compulsively. He heard Felix and Locus flirt with each other behind him, even with his back turned.

“Wash? Mind making the coffee? A medium latte macchiatto.”

Wash turned around, took a cup, and did his usual thing. Even though he was trying to pay attention to his own business, Felix and Locus were flirting openly with each other – Locus less openly – and Wash couldn't help but notice.

“Here's your coffee,” Wash said. As he put the coffee cup on the counter, his hands shook, and he accidentally spilled some foam. Quickly, he reached for a cloth, and began to wipe. At the same time, Locus had reached for his coffee. “Sorry–“

Wash looked up as their hands touched, again. It was only the second time, and Wash didn't know why he felt so warm from the inside.

 _Gentle,_ Wash thought. _He looks like a potential security threat, but he really isn't. He reminds me of a friend I used to have._

Wash finished wiping the cup, and Locus took his coffee, this time without touching each other.

“It was nice to see you at the club.”

“Same.” Wash replied, unsure of what to say. “I hope your shift went well.”

“It did.”

They looked at each other for a moment longer.

Locus cleared his throat, and asked, “Did that man bother you again?”

Wash covered his mouth, as he recalled seeing Felix talk to someone, followed by a memory of some old man touching him.

“It is unfortunate that it happens, but I assure you that it is not very commonplace,” Locus said. “Don't worry about coming by again – rowdy customers who touch others without their permission will be taken care of by us.”

Wash didn't know why those eyes looked so gentle and warm to him, considering how awkward they both were. If anything, that should probably be the look reserved for Felix, not him. “Thanks. I will come by again.”

_If Felix wants to, that is – It would be awkward alone._

“I am going to take a seat.” Locus stated matter-of-factly, and turned. “If you're not coming by the club, then I will see you on Saturday, Felix.”

“See you!” Felix grinned, and waved with little finger wiggles.

Feeling out of place, Wash looked down at his own hands. He wondered if he was imagining it or had this moment conflated with another, but he had a flashback of Locus, with warm gentle eyes, holding his hands, but for a brief moment.

Wash knew why his memory was refusing to come back this time; his mind was trying to protect him. It had nothing to do with alcohol.

 _It has to work that way,_ Wash thought. He remembered the bad alongside the good. Memory did not just come back, categorized, in varying degrees of desirability, to be selected for perusal at will. Therefore, the reason he forgot even the good parts of the night – his experience with Felix, and his meeting with Locus – was because bad things happened.

 _I wonder if there's some sort of medication for this sort of thing,_ Wash thought to himself. _I can handle remembering the bad things, with the good things. I don't need to be protected from my own memories._

“Looks like you made a lasting impression on him,” Felix said, smiling.

“What do you mean?” Wash asked.

“Wash and Locus sitting in a tree, holding hands.”

“Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. I'm not the one going on a date with him on Saturday.”

“Well, if you're jealous, I still have tomorrow free...” Felix winked at Wash.

Wash looked at Felix, wondering which part of himself looked jealous. As far as he could tell, Felix and himself were stuck in the same job due to circumstances. As soon as Felix found a new one, Wash would be forgotten, as he dated Locus from the side.

_That's right. I can't be too dependent on him._

“I have things to do.” Wash said, suddenly detached and devoid of expression.

“What, like jerking off alone and being unable to sleep?”

That was decidedly cruel of Felix, but Wash refused to have any emotional reaction to it. When he made up his mind, it was as if he had locked his heart inside a box and thrown away the key. “If you say so.”

“Hey now, let's not get offended over such small jokes, Washy.” Felix rolled his eyes and put his hands up. “We're partners, aren't we?”

Wash looked at Felix and wondered what he meant. He felt himself softening as Felix returned his cold gaze with a warm smile – and as Felix came closer.

“Come _on_. I'll help you with whatever it is you want. I mean, if you can't remember anything, I'll be your memory.” Felix promised, using the higher pitched, more innocent voice that he sometimes used when greeting new people, and customers.

Wash wasn't quite sure what to make of it, but he let Felix take his hand. He didn't think that Felix meant it in any earnestness at all, or that even if he did, it would not be of any help. But still, he reasoned, he had nothing to lose, and if anything, maybe he should give it a try.

He looked into Felix's face, looking for an answer. His question melted away as he saw Felix's smile and the upward tilt of the edge of his mesmerizing eyes.

“Felix. How far have we gone yesterday? I remember... Talking to strangers, and being touched by one.”

“Yeah.” Felix ran his thumb leisurely over the back of Wash's hand. “We were talking to Locus, and normally people would have just backed away when they see how big Locus is, but I guess the guy was drunk and thought you were hot or something, so he came over to make a scene.”

“...I see.” Wash bit his lower lip.

“Meh, it's not so bad. We've got these old men trying to look for young men to groom, but as long as you know what you're doing, it's not so bad. Plus, Locs was there to help.”

“How is _that_ not so bad?” Wash's voice cracked. He didn't know why, but his stomach churned and he felt ill.

“There are some younger men who are into that sort of thing.” Felix shrugged. “Otherwise, it probably won't work. Where there's demand, there's supply. That's common sense.”

“No! That still doesn't make it right.”

“Pfft. Whatever others do isn't our problem, Wash.” Felix smirked. “ _We're_ both old enough to know what they're doing, right? Besides... They're okay as long as they buy us drinks.”

Wash looked at Felix, wondering how he could simply brush it off as something advantageous for himself. He frowned, wondering if drinks and sex were all Felix was interested in. More importantly, he wondered why he was still drawn to the other man, despite knowing that he was what he was.

Wash had heard of beauty that foolish men waged wars for. He had seen people act irrationally for something so shallow as beauty, and he had always found it incomprehensible at best, and dangerous at worst. His head was a mess right then, trying to rein in his heart, whose very convictions were – when it came to Felix, at least – founded on the useless input of the eyes.

 _Shakespeare may have been a slave to beauty, but I – I am not Shakespeare._ Wash thought. _Felix is bad news – he's poison._

“So. Your place or mine, tomorrow night?”

“Either's fine.” Wash let Felix kiss him, anyway – this brand of poison tasted, unfortunately, sweet.

*

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Human (Explicit, Washlix, Bondage, Non-con roleplay (within a consensual context), aftercare, discussion of past rape, etc etc - check tags)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8193278) happens after this chapter.


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